*DISCLAIMER: Besides Mario Godiva, we have no idea who these stock photo b*tches are. We wish them the best though!
ENER(G)Y = EVERY F*CKING THING
ENER(G)Y EMERGENCY. Take a quick look at your arms, waist, thighs, or stomach. Notice anything extra? Overfat is the spillover, storage, and hardening of unused ENER(G)Y in your body, and that’s a fast track to chronic disease. It’s when you exceed the amount of functional fat that your body needs to survive that you officially become overfat.
ZERO F*CKS. Overfat doesn’t give AF (translation for non-millennials “A f*ck”) if you’re skinny, fit, normal, or play sports. You could workout every day, eat healthy, do detox cleanses, go to yoga, pray to Oprah, and still be overfat. Chronic disease, overfat, and unhealthy living has put the world in a dire state of ENER(G)Y EMER(G)ENCY. Up to 5.5 billion people in the world are overfat, 97% of Americans live an unhealthy lifestyle, and chronic diseases account for over 60% of deaths worldwide. And these stats are easily preventable, just let that marinate right quick.
BIOLO(G)Y RECOVERY. At 32, I, Mario Godiva your BBF (Best Black Friend) went from stage four terminal cancer to complete remission in 50 days, and it wasn’t a f*cking miracle. Using the same SYNER(G)Y STRATE(G)Y approach I used to save my life, I recreated a powerful, proven, and purposeful 14 day program to save yours. It took several snuggles with death for me to get my ENER(G)Y EPIPHANY: We are ENER(G)Y and the efficiency, flexibility, and latency of ENER(G)Y is f*cking everything.
SYNER(G)Y STRATE(G)Y. You wouldn’t put out a five-room house fire with one fireman and a super soaker, so why approach your health, fitness, and food (that are interconnected) in one way? Using the multidimensional action of 14 healthy, holistic, and healing strategies, I’ll guide you to better your body, motivate your mind, and overcome your overfat for life. I kicked cancer’s *ss in 50 days, imagine what I can do for you in 14?
MORALLY MALEFICENT. Being healthy, losing overfat, and preventing disease are all really easy in theory, and it only “seems” so hard because the health, fitness, and food industries are more focused on selling you sh*t, literally. As a normal person you need the strength, discipline, and mental fortitude of a soldier at war, just to be healthy, limit sickness, and survive. Am I right? Where my soldiers at? This unfortunately is all by design.
BERNIE MADOFF B*TCHES. The terrifying truth is while employees in health, fitness, and food companies are pushing profits, banking bonuses, and reaping rewards of a job well done, that outstanding effort has forced billions of people like you to be depressed, dysfunctional, and disconnected in your pursuit of happiness, health, and harmony, which is your birth right.
ENER(G)Y EATING. Your dysfunctional diet has made you sick, tired, and overwhelmingly overfat. Isn’t it time for you to rethink your approach to food? Food isn’t good or bad, food is ENER(G)Y. You aren’t a terrorist because you ate a doughnut, nor are you a saint because you frequent Whole Foods. How you look, move, feel, and heal, is simply your level of ENER(G)Y efficiency, flexibility, and latency. (Alliteration game strong AF!!!)
F*CK DIETS. The quickest, easiest, and most effective way to reset, release, and repair your old habits is to reframe them. THE 14-DAY ENER(G)Y RESET isn’t a diet, we help you craft a daily EATING EXPERIENCE that is different for everyone based on their ENER(G)Y IDENTITY. Don’t know the metrics of your personal ENER(G)Y metabolism? Oh… Regardless, I’ll help you shoo your shame and embrace ENER(G)Y EATING, it’s the bomb.com.
WHO IS THE 14-DAY ENER(G)Y RESET FOR?
BUSY AF PROFESSIONALS
We get it, you’re busy AF and important and sh*t, that’s why THE 14-DAY ENER(G)Y reset is efficient, effective, and easy-to-follow. You’ll get maximal results for minimal effort, because you’ll finally understand how all things are rooted to your ENER(G)Y efficiency. Now go back to checking your work email every six seconds.
Do you workout every day, eat healthy, and only drink alcohol on the weekends? Do you think you are doing everything that you should be doing to get results, but can’t figure out why you aren’t getting any and look basic? Sounds like you are a PLATEAU HEAUX (a French ho, classy), and the 14-DAY ENER(G)Y RESET will help you troubleshoot and figure out what’s wrong with your BIOLO(G)Y. If we can’t figure it out, we’ll refer you to our good friend Jesus (or whoever your higher being is, relax people.) And just like Jesus, we never judge.
Does horchata make you horny? Do doughnuts make you dance? Do carbs and candy make you crazy AF? Don’t worry boo, we got you. We love food more than you do, and we’ll help you tame your inner Hungry Hungry Hippo until you can unleash, unchain, and unwind on your strategic ENER(G)Y FREE day, because sometimes you need to #resist a b*tch, or a healthy daily structure for the layman.
WHY THE 14 DAY ENER(G)Y RESET? There isn’t one reason why you are alive is there? No, there are several reasons. (Number one, your mom loves you) You don’t become overfat, battle a disease, or choose to live an unhealthy life just because of one reason. It’s not just because you love to eat junk food, love your alcohol, or love to be a hot f*cking mess (okay well maybe a little bit though, maybe take a shower). There are several reasons, and other fitness, health, and diet programs only cover one or two reasons usually filled with extra bullsh*t.
14 PARTS = 1 BETTER WHOLE YOU. To efficiently better your body, motivate your mind, and overcome your overfat for life, you need a multidimensional approach that uses the SYNER(G)Y of several methods. THE 14-DAY ENER(G)Y RESET is a holistic, harmonized, and hodgepodge of the most proven methods to help you rebalance quickly by rebuilding your muscle, retraining your hormones, and releasing your frustrations of working out everyday, eating healthy, and not seeing your body change. Don’t you think it’s about time you reset that? (click click b*tches)
IS THE 14-DAY ENER(G)Y RESET RIGHT FOR ME?
How TF would we know? You tell us if this is right for you.
THIS PROGRAM IS FOR YOU IF YOU WANT THE FOLLOWING
14 BEAUTIFUL BENEFITS (like friends without the…) >>
RESET YOUR ENER(G)Y
REDUCE YOUR CRAVINGS
RESTART YOUR METABOLISM
RESTORE YOUR GUT FLORA
REDUCE YOUR BODY’S INFLAMMATION INCINERATION
REBUILD LEAN MUSCLE
REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE
RELEASE UNHEALTHY HABITS
REBALANCE YOUR HORMONES
REMOVE INCHES AND LBS FROM YOUR ARMS, WAIST, HIPS, AND CORE
REPROGRAM YOUR BIOLO(G)Y
REINVIGORATE YOUR VITALITY
RECONNECT WITH A HAPPIER YOU
RELIVE A HOT MESS AND FUN SATURDAY NIGHT
ENER(G)Y CONSISTENCY. I’m not a wizard nor do I command any dragons. You’ll have to do some intelligent work on your own. However, if you can commit to 14 days, I’ll commit to being your personal fitness guru/life-coach/nutritionist/teacher/cheerleader/BBF/occasional shade thrower to ensure your success. At minimum you’ll burn two pounds of overfat, and maximum you’ll change your f*cking life. Whatever happens, it’s on you though. YOLO!
WHO TF IS MARIO GODIVA? At first glance he may appear to be a shady black man (quick hold on to your iPhone), but Godiva is a world-renowned fitness expert, food coach, and media spokesperson for several life-changing brands. As a media spokesperson, he’s been featured in over 100 media interviews across the globe such as The New York Times, NBC’s “TODAY,” and ABC’s “NIGHTLINE.”
IS HE SHADY THO? He’s a Wisconsin guy with a strong moral compass, a big heart (that he proudly wears on his sleeve), and he genuinely loves helping people like you look, move, feel, and heal better. He’ll also cut you if you f*cking play games, even puppies bite when you play with their food, don’t. #authenticAF
VIP FRIEND/WORK GROUPS. If you and a group of friends, co-workers, or family want to work with Mario Godiva personally moderating your group, VIP semi-private groups are available and typically two to ten people per group. Sometimes the best revenge is making your loved ones suffer by making them feel bad for being a hot mess during a simple 14-day health challenge. You already know they’ll cave to cupcakes, binge drinking, and 3am Seamless, sometimes all in one night. #sabotage
I HATE MY COWORKERS. THE 14 DAY ENER(G)Y RESET Corporate Challenges will increase your employee’s ENER(G)Y, promote activity, and inspire quick transformations, all with the net result of an internally motivated, super productive, and high-performing workforce. Don’t like some of your coworkers? What better way to counter that than to make those heauxs sweat, literally.